Businesses love the idea they’re giving people the chance to join their workplace family.

They want to connect with all those warm fuzzy feelings and the idea that recruits are going to be part of a supportive team that enjoys being together. After all, most people spend more time at work than they do with their actual family at home, and a sense of belonging is important for engagement, motivation and productivity.

But now, any messaging such as “we’re like one big family” is a red flag, to both potential and existing employees. It’s taken as a sign that an employer believes they’re at least as important to you as your actual family. That the boundaries of work and home will be well and truly blurred, along with your chances of ever being able to switch off. If you’re part of a family, then expectations suddenly change. There’s an obligation to do whatever needs to be done, to makes sacrifices — because that’s what you do for your family.

It’s a no-no

The reality is that propagating the idea of a “family culture” (whether it’s actually a family-run business or not) plants the seeds of ideas and assumptions that can be a problem for both sides, employees and employer.

In an article for Harvard Business Review, Joshua Luna has pointed to three particular issues: the blurring of the personal and the professional is the obvious one (you can’t just switch off from family commitments); an exaggerated sense of loyalty (going above and beyond) — which might work in the short-term, but is more likely to lead to stress and burnout; and an uneven power dynamic, in other words, the ‘family’ tag implies that the bosses are the parents and everyone else are children.

So under the guise of caring and warmth, there’s the basic conditions for exploitation: a sense of obligation, the growth of unlimited demands and expectations leading to emotional guilt and overwork. On the other side of the relationship, an employee who believes they’re part of a supportive family might also expect to be spoon-fed, to avoid taking on responsibilities, feel un-empowered, even that it’s okay to be difficult, to be over-familiar with colleagues, to over-share, to argue, to fall out. After all, most families are going to be dysfunctional now and again.

An alternative approach

If the ‘family’ message no longer works, what kind of culture should employers be promoting?

Joshua Luna makes the case for the “sports team” approach: “you retain a culture of empathy, collectiveness, belonging, and shared values and goals, while outlining a performance-driven culture that respects the transactional nature of this relationship.” Define what high performance looks like, be clear about what team roles are (with clear boundaries of what’s expected), and accept that when the whistle blows, that’s the game over.

As a basic outline, the sports analogy looks to work to an extent. But it can also feel too simple. When has there ever been any shortage of problematic egos, self-obsession and conflict in sport? ‘Winning’ is everything, when successful performance at work and the goals of an organisation have to be more nuanced and multi-faceted.

The importance of a Clear Air Culture

At CMP we work with employers to create Clear Air cultures. The wider sense of being part of a ‘good’ culture is what matters. Not a workplace where there’s a contrived ‘brand’ or set of messages that people are expected to live up to. Instead, a practical, grown-up culture based on honesty and transparency. Actual practices that support truth, and a constant testing of that truth.

Too often there are gaps between an organisation’s values and expectations and the actual everyday experience of employees. With a Clear Air culture everyone feels able to be themselves and speak openly — because they know they will be respected and valued as individuals, and that any differences of opinion, clashes in personality, grievances and concerns will be dealt with in fair and reasonable ways. Management time and energy is spent on supporting individuals who don’t know how to meet the behavioural standards, and investigating and disciplining those who fall short.

Building a Clear Air culture involves developing conversation skills across an organisation, equipping people with the ability to deal with difficult situations and conversations, exploring levels of Psychological Safety (using tools within teams such as Neutral Assessment), and ensuring employees know any grievances will be heard and dealt with in straightforward, constructive ways, through conversations and mediation.

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko